Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.
The Indian man said to the American,"You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once.We call this arranged marriage.
I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."
The American said, " Talking about love marriages?...
I'll tell you my story.
I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years."
After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.
My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.
More problems occurred when I had a son.
My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle.
Situations turned worse when my father had a son.
Now my father's son
I.e. My brother is my grandson.
Ultimately,
I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.
And you say you have family problems.. ?!
Friday, August 31, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Performance Pressure
Poultry farm ke malik ne tammam Murgiyon ko Order diya "Agar tum logon ne kal se Do -- Do ande nahi diye to kal se tumhara dana pani band "
Murgiya dar gayi ....sab ne do do ande diye magar ek ne sirf ek anda diya "
Malik "tum ne 1 anda hi kyon diya "
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Jawab mila.
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"Sir ye aapke dar ki wajah se diya hai waise main to Murga hoon"
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
Excellent reply... Coool
A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car
when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop,
who was standing off to the side,waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.
The mechanic shouted across the garage,
"Hello Doctor!!Please come over here for a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively,
"So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts,
and when I finish this will work as a new one.
So how come you get the big money,
when you and me is doing basically the same work? "
The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.... .
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‘He said:
"Try to do it when the engine is running ".
when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop,
who was standing off to the side,waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.
The mechanic shouted across the garage,
"Hello Doctor!!Please come over here for a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively,
"So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts,
and when I finish this will work as a new one.
So how come you get the big money,
when you and me is doing basically the same work? "
The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.... .
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‘He said:
"Try to do it when the engine is running ".
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
President Kalam. Can we have one more like him?
Lot of things have been said about our Former President Abdul Kalam But none like this will exemplify the man's simplicity and humility.
See the first Citizen of the country sitting on the floor before the so called Fourth Estate.
See the first Citizen of the country sitting on the floor before the so called Fourth Estate.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Before & After Marriage
**He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
*She: Do you love me** ?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me**?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
----------- -----
Now after the marriage you can read it from bellow to up, start with
second last line :)
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
*She: Do you love me** ?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me**?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
----------- -----
Now after the marriage you can read it from bellow to up, start with
second last line :)
I feared
I feared being alone
Until I learned to like Myself .
************ ***
I feared failure
Until I realized that I only Fail when I don't try .
************ ***
I feared success
Until I realized That I had to try In order to be happy With myself.
************ ***
I feared people's opinions
Until I learned that People would have opinions About me anyway.
************ ***
I feared rejection
Until I learned to Have faith in myself.
************ ***
I feared pain
Until I learned that it's necessary For growth.
************ ***
I feared the truth
Until I saw the Ugliness in lies.
************ ***
I feared life
Until I experienced Its beauty .
************ ***
I feared death
Until I realized that it's Not an end, but a beginning .
************ ***
I feared my destiny,
Until I realized that I had the power to change My life.
************ ***
I feared hate
Until I saw that it Was nothing more than Ignorance.
************ ***
I feared love
Until it touched my heart, Making the darkness fade Into endless sunny days.
************ ***
I feared ridicule
Until I learned how To laugh at myself.
************ ***
I feared growing old
Until I realized that I gained wisdom every day.
************ ***
I feared the future
Until I realized that Life just kept getting Better.
************ ***
I feared the past
Until I realized that It could no longer hurt me .
************ ***
I feared the dark
Until I saw the beauty Of the starlight.
************ ***
I feared the light
Until I learned that the Truth would give me Strength.
Until I learned to like Myself .
************ ***
I feared failure
Until I realized that I only Fail when I don't try .
************ ***
I feared success
Until I realized That I had to try In order to be happy With myself.
************ ***
I feared people's opinions
Until I learned that People would have opinions About me anyway.
************ ***
I feared rejection
Until I learned to Have faith in myself.
************ ***
I feared pain
Until I learned that it's necessary For growth.
************ ***
I feared the truth
Until I saw the Ugliness in lies.
************ ***
I feared life
Until I experienced Its beauty .
************ ***
I feared death
Until I realized that it's Not an end, but a beginning .
************ ***
I feared my destiny,
Until I realized that I had the power to change My life.
************ ***
I feared hate
Until I saw that it Was nothing more than Ignorance.
************ ***
I feared love
Until it touched my heart, Making the darkness fade Into endless sunny days.
************ ***
I feared ridicule
Until I learned how To laugh at myself.
************ ***
I feared growing old
Until I realized that I gained wisdom every day.
************ ***
I feared the future
Until I realized that Life just kept getting Better.
************ ***
I feared the past
Until I realized that It could no longer hurt me .
************ ***
I feared the dark
Until I saw the beauty Of the starlight.
************ ***
I feared the light
Until I learned that the Truth would give me Strength.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Painted Floor Amazing
IMAGINE YOU ARE AT A PARTY.... YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING....... AND THEN YOU HAVE TO VISIT THE BATHROOM.... You open the door....
NOW, REMEMBER,
THE FLOOR IS JUST
A PAINTED FLOOR!
KINDA TAKES YOUR BREATH AWAY.....
DOESN'T IT?
32 Facts about Guyz
Belive me girls are surely going to read each one carefully ;)
32 Facts about Guyz
*really very true...................
1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. they prefer neat
and presentable girls.
2. Guys hate flirts.
3.When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not
thinking the way he is.
4. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep,
they always think about the girl they truly care about .
5. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad
characteristics.
6. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
7. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.
8. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.
9. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow".
..... so true.
10. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the
message clearly
11. Guys love their moms.
12. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses.
13. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't mean that the guy likes her.
14. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.
15. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does
16. Beware. if they want,Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of the earth faster than girls can.
17. Like Eve, girls are guys' weaknesses.
18. Guys are very open about themselves.
19. It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let
him wait that long.
20. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.
21. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that
much pretty.
22. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to
listen to him. You don't need to give advice ... very true.
23. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases
you.
24. Guys think too much....disputed. ;-)
25. Guys fantasies are unlimited.
26. Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight
does! ... very true.
27. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too
possessive. So watch out girls!!!
28. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is about girls.
29. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him
praying sometimes.
30. If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.
31. Guys hate girls who overreact.
32. Guys love you more than you love them IF they are serious in your relationships.
Doesn't this all make sense?
32 Facts about Guyz
*really very true...................
1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. they prefer neat
and presentable girls.
2. Guys hate flirts.
3.When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not
thinking the way he is.
4. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep,
they always think about the girl they truly care about .
5. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad
characteristics.
6. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
7. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.
8. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.
9. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow".
..... so true.
10. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the
message clearly
11. Guys love their moms.
12. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses.
13. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't mean that the guy likes her.
14. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.
15. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does
16. Beware. if they want,Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of the earth faster than girls can.
17. Like Eve, girls are guys' weaknesses.
18. Guys are very open about themselves.
19. It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let
him wait that long.
20. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.
21. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that
much pretty.
22. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to
listen to him. You don't need to give advice ... very true.
23. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases
you.
24. Guys think too much....disputed. ;-)
25. Guys fantasies are unlimited.
26. Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight
does! ... very true.
27. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too
possessive. So watch out girls!!!
28. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is about girls.
29. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him
praying sometimes.
30. If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.
31. Guys hate girls who overreact.
32. Guys love you more than you love them IF they are serious in your relationships.
Doesn't this all make sense?
Professional Truth
Honestly, we will have these answers in our mind ... but we give different,
Tailored and suitable answers to the guy!
1. Why did you apply for this job?
I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now.
2. Why do you want to work for this company?
I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don't have any
Specific company in mind.
3. Why should I hire you?
You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.
4. What would you do if this happened?
Well, it depends my mindset and mood at that situation...
5. What is your biggest strength?
Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking of
the fate of company
6. What is your biggest weakness?
Girls
7. What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?
Joining my earlier company and learnt that I need to jump to get more
money, so I am here today
8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?
Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job?
I could demand more and stay there.
9. Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?
Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for a
change" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.
10. Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?
For the same reason why you left your earlier job
11. What do you want from this job?
If no work is given but keep giving good hikes
12. What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
Make more money and for that keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs
13. Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?
Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I've gone through your website
14. What is the salary expected and how do justify that?
Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra
than what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard
(I know you will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked my
current salary by 30%)
Tailored and suitable answers to the guy!
1. Why did you apply for this job?
I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now.
2. Why do you want to work for this company?
I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don't have any
Specific company in mind.
3. Why should I hire you?
You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.
4. What would you do if this happened?
Well, it depends my mindset and mood at that situation...
5. What is your biggest strength?
Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking of
the fate of company
6. What is your biggest weakness?
Girls
7. What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?
Joining my earlier company and learnt that I need to jump to get more
money, so I am here today
8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?
Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job?
I could demand more and stay there.
9. Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?
Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for a
change" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.
10. Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?
For the same reason why you left your earlier job
11. What do you want from this job?
If no work is given but keep giving good hikes
12. What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
Make more money and for that keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs
13. Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?
Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I've gone through your website
14. What is the salary expected and how do justify that?
Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra
than what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard
(I know you will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked my
current salary by 30%)
Cooooool presence of mind ;)
John works in a supermarket. A man came in and asked John for half a kilogram of butter. The boy told him they only sold 1 kg packets of butter, but the man was persistent. The boy said he'd go ask his manager what to do.
John walked into the back room and said, "There's a bloody fellow out there who wants to buy only half a kilo of butter." As he finished saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half."
The manager finished the deal and later said to John, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet, and I like it a lot.
Which place are you from?"
John replied, "I'm from Mexico , sir."
"Oh really? Why did you leave Mexico ?" asked the manager.
John replied, "They're all just prostitutes and soccer players up there."
"My wife is from Mexico ," the manager said.
John replied, "Which team did she play for?":)
John walked into the back room and said, "There's a bloody fellow out there who wants to buy only half a kilo of butter." As he finished saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half."
The manager finished the deal and later said to John, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet, and I like it a lot.
Which place are you from?"
John replied, "I'm from Mexico , sir."
"Oh really? Why did you leave Mexico ?" asked the manager.
John replied, "They're all just prostitutes and soccer players up there."
"My wife is from Mexico ," the manager said.
John replied, "Which team did she play for?":)
plain n simple :) (How to handle a girl)
Boy & Girl in restaurant
Boy:-I Love u
Girl:-I dont Love u
Boy:- Think again?
Girl:-I told u. No no & no
Boy:- Waiter,bring seperate bills.
Girl:- ok ok....... I Love u too......... .
Boy:-I Love u
Girl:-I dont Love u
Boy:- Think again?
Girl:-I told u. No no & no
Boy:- Waiter,bring seperate bills.
Girl:- ok ok....... I Love u too......... .
Horrible Scene....Not So FAR Beware Guys
Horrible scene............Itz not too far.......
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Gabbar in software world
Gabbar sends Kaalia and two others to Ramgad to collect the loot-maar software he had ordered.
They reach Ramgad and started shouting: "Abe O thakur! Kahan hai woh loot-maar software?
Last date to kab ka nikal gaya ".
Thakur [with anger]: "Chillao mat! jaakar Gabbar se kah do ki Thakur Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai."
Kaalia: "Bahoot garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya?"
Thakur: "Nazar uttha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha hai."
Kaalia looks up and sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one Water tank and Jay (Amitabh) on another, using a laptop.
Kaalia Starts Laughing and says: "Ha ha... thakur ne freshers ko liya hai, Ye log Programming karenge? In ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate."
Veeru shouts: "Chup-chaap chala ja kutte. Hum log consultants hain, Kuch bhi kar sakte hain."
Jay hits his keyboard,then says: "jaao kaalia, Gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya ."
AT GABBAR'S DEN...
Gabbar: "Kitne bugs the?"
Kaalia: "Do sarkaar."
Gabbar: "Wo do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake? Kya soch key aaye ho? Gabbar bahoot khush hoga? Naya assignment dega ...aur increment bhi? Iski saza milegi... barobar milegi."
[Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]. "Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?"
Sambaa: "Chhey sarkaar."
Gabbar: "Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naainsaafi hai." [logout - logout - logout]. "Haan ab theek hai... ab tera kya hoga" Kaalia?"
Kaalia: "Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha."
Gabbar: "To ab documentation kar!
Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha......
Ha.............................................
They reach Ramgad and started shouting: "Abe O thakur! Kahan hai woh loot-maar software?
Last date to kab ka nikal gaya ".
Thakur [with anger]: "Chillao mat! jaakar Gabbar se kah do ki Thakur Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai."
Kaalia: "Bahoot garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya?"
Thakur: "Nazar uttha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha hai."
Kaalia looks up and sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one Water tank and Jay (Amitabh) on another, using a laptop.
Kaalia Starts Laughing and says: "Ha ha... thakur ne freshers ko liya hai, Ye log Programming karenge? In ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate."
Veeru shouts: "Chup-chaap chala ja kutte. Hum log consultants hain, Kuch bhi kar sakte hain."
Jay hits his keyboard,then says: "jaao kaalia, Gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya ."
AT GABBAR'S DEN...
Gabbar: "Kitne bugs the?"
Kaalia: "Do sarkaar."
Gabbar: "Wo do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake? Kya soch key aaye ho? Gabbar bahoot khush hoga? Naya assignment dega ...aur increment bhi? Iski saza milegi... barobar milegi."
[Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]. "Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?"
Sambaa: "Chhey sarkaar."
Gabbar: "Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naainsaafi hai." [logout - logout - logout]. "Haan ab theek hai... ab tera kya hoga" Kaalia?"
Kaalia: "Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha."
Gabbar: "To ab documentation kar!
Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha......
Ha.............................................
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